Please be my Valentine.

I eat passion cake by the plateful

and oysters by the jar

I've waited at the rainbow's end

and I've wished upon a star.

Lucky coins were thrown into a fountain

and I've just consulted Mystic meg

"Get a rabbit's foot" she told me,

I replied "pull the other leg"

All the competitions were entered

in a bid to win your heart

I even consulted Russell Grant

when he drew me up a chart

Four leaf clovers were planted

and I stroked the Budha's belly

Clare Rayner tried to give me the benefit of her advice

when she was on the telly

Clairvoyants have been booked by the dozen

and psychics by the score

All my dreams have been analysed

and yet still I feel unsure

Lucky horseshoes hang on my bed head

and I once wished on a blue moon

If your hearts going to be pierced by cupid

I hope he makes it soon.

I flew to Ireland on a broomstick

and I kissed the Blarney Stone

A pain in the butt was the result of that trip

and a Leprechaun that moaned.

All the sixes came up

when I threw the lucky dice

A seance with Rudolph Valentino,

gave me plenty of good advice

A traveller sold me some heather

and I had my fortune read

"Cross my palm with silver"

was all the gypsy said

I've stroked black cats by the hundred

and waved magic wands galore

Charms and amulets hang round my neck

until they nearly touch the floor

I try to look sexy and seductive

and I really strut my stuff

I perfume, diet and exercise

until I've really had enough

"Patience is a virtue" they say

and "try to bide your time"

"Your ship will come in one day"

and then I'll make you mine.

But before the Plastic Surgeon is booked

and I buy that "magic" cream

Are there any signs in the stars

that I could be loves young dream

I'm worn right to a frazzle

and I'm running out of time

Will the genie of the lamp grant my wish?

Please be my Valentine